Episode Thirteen: MacGregor Chronicles

When the first entered the house my fathers wife tried to explain everything right away, but she would forget herself and begin to speak her native language and nothing was comprehensible to Willard or me. I asked that the two of them be dry, warm, and calm before anything further was said. Now that this was accomplished we all sat down in the fire side room with some tea and talked.

“Where is my father?” I asked starting out.

“He is dead. He died of tuberculosis three nights ago. He knew that it would take him this time, that is why we wanted to see you.”

I was in shock already. The man whom I had had so much trouble forgiving for his psychological abuse throughout childhood was gone and I didn't know what to think or how to feel.

“We wanted to ask you to take Charlotte. I am dying also. I had viral-cardio-miopathy. The doctors gave me six months, but I already almost died giving birth to my little girl.”

“Why us? Why did dad want me to have her?”

“He loves you. He knows that you will teach her about God and that you will love her. He always said that you would be a good mother. Her middle name is Jane, after you.”

“I'm not saying that I don't want her, but where is your family? Don't they want her?” I inquired still not grasping the whole situation.

“ My family is gone, all of them dead. Your father and I, we left Manila just days before my village was burned to the ground by a local militia. We could not fly because of the baby, we had to take a boat to get here.”

“You sailed here, from the Phillipines, dad had TB, you where pregnant and have heart a fatal heart condition.”

“Yes.”

“You do understand that no insurance in the world will cover your hospital bills because what you have is genetic and chronic right.”

“We came here to go to the Mayo clinic, to ask for their help. One of your fathers friends offered to pay the bills in full. I understand that I may not live long enough to have a transplant, but I do want to know that your sister is safe and well.” Janessa explained.

I looked at my baby sister, then at my husband, then at my stepmother. We had no choice, with my father gone and his wife dying, this child had no one to care for her. Even for as angry as I had been with my father, it was not the fault of this sleeping child before me. She was so small and looked a bit ill herself.

“We will take care of her.” Willard answered suddenly. He was not the kind to make snap decisions like this, but he saw the need and the urgency. A smile came across Janessa's pale face. She was only a few years older than myself and looked even younger. I had always wanted to be close to her, but I didn't want anything to do with my father. Now I would be rearing their child, as my own. I hugged her as tears began to stream down both our faces.

Episdoe Six: MacGregor Chronicles

The breakfast nook was made up of an “L” shaped bench around two portions of the table, and three chairs placed at the other open spots. Seating for six comfortably, seven if necessary. The fire side area consisted of a medium sized over stuffed sofa, in a dark khaki, of which the back was turned to the kitchen. An occasional table behind that, a black chair on either side, facing one another, and a smallish glass toped coffee table in the middle. The entire area had hard wood floors, except for a great area rug was under the fire side furniture. The mantel piece held a variety of pictures of Willard and myself, as well as some of our other friends and family, all of whom attended the “Welcome Home,” party. There was a large portrait of Will and me above the smaller pictures, it seemed recent and we looked attractive and happy.

“Weird isn't it?” Will said suddenly.”I remember us planning all of this, buying all of these things, and now it has all come together and it feels so surreal. Like a dream.” I looked at him wide eyed, he knew. It was all an illusion, this was his dream too. Yet then I figured, if this is all a dream, and we're in it together, then why not just go with it until I wake up? It seemed harmless enough. There were things that I would have to figure out and catch up on, but that wouldn't be hard, all I had to do was be myself, do whatever felt natural.

“Yeah, a dream. Even when you can touch things you still expect to wake up at any moment.” I cried.

“I have been going through the house checking things out to see how it all came together, and it is great. The house, the furniture, the decorations, everything is so us. And it's ours, all of it. Feels good doesn't it?”

“Yes, it does. I'm glad to hear you say all of that, I was afraid you might think that I have gone crazy if you caught me snooping around the house, looking at things and such.” I was so relieved.

“No, I've been doing the same thing. Probably more with the electronics and such then perhaps the china, but all the same, it's new and different to me too.” My heart leaped in my chest at the sound of the word china. We had china? Where?

“Well, I have to go get started on this new project for a client. This one will take at least nine or ten months, but it's my first audio book project.” he said. Apparently I looked confused, because then he said, “the latest Barry Eisler book? Remember?” I faked a smile and nodded blankly,

“Yeah, sure.”

“You really do need a break. Take it easy hon. I love you.” he said as he kissed my forehead again, then made his way up the stairs to his studio.

“I love you too.” I answered. From there I made and eat a couple of poached eggs, toast. To this I also added a banana, pineapple juice, and a vanilla yogurt. I found all that I needed easily, like I had set it all up myself. I cleaned up after myself, then proceeded to search my house. The kitchen alone was wonderful, the dishes, the glass ware, the silverware, and the cook ware. I had a huge pantry full of food, the refrigerator was full too. There was a vase of fresh flowers on the dinning room table, I smelled them. When I turned around I saw the china hutch, and the china in it. White bone china bordered in a cream with platinum designs in that. Service dishes, seven piece place settings, including tea cup and saucer, for twelve. There were chargers, place mats, table cloths, runners, cloth napkins, napkin rings, linens for all occasions. I was stunned, these were my things. All I could do was thank God. It might only be a dream, but all good things come from God, and this was a good dream.

Episode Three: Mac Gregor Chronicles

There were a few instances when I was confused still more by the children. I wondered where my children were. I had always wanted children, but none of the fifteen or so children present at the party seemed to belong to me. Yet with all of the other thing going on, I found it difficult to focus on one thing to be baffled by. The entire scene was overpowering for me. Though no matter how confused I was I always had the game face on. I interacted and socialized well with everyone. Every person represented in that big, gray house, with the red front door, seemed to love, admire, and appreciate Will and I that night.

As the night wore on the guests too grew tired and made their way to the the door to leave. I bid them all good night and safe travel. The last of the guests to leave was Willard's father and mother, John and Roxanne. This was the longest fare well of all, they didn't seem to want to leave, but eventually the door closed and Will and I were alone at last. I fell into his arms with exhaustion.

“I love you.” I exclaimed.

“I love you too, are you alright?” was his response.

“Yes, I'm just tired and need to get some sleep.” I answered. I was tired, but more than anything I was trying to sort out the nights events. Dozens of people, caterers, my richly decorated dream house, crazy amounts of knowledge, newer looking vehicles in the drive that apparently belong to us, all of this with no children of our own. What in the world was going on? I was disoriented and filled with bewilderment. I climbed the stair to the second floor to find a bed. When I took a left rather than a right at the top of the stair, Willard inquired,

“I thought you were going to bed, not your study?”

“I am.”

“The bedroom is that way dear.” he said pointing to the right.”Are you sure you're alright?”

“Yes, just an ADD moment and tiredness.” I assured him.

“I will be up in a few minutes, I have to feed Azrael.” An old black and white cat sat at his feet meowing and looking toward a room off to the right on the main floor.

“I love you.” I said again, this time yawning.

“I love you too.” he smiled.

Episode Two: MacGregor Chronicles

My head spun and I had to sit down. There were times when I would say something in other languages, I was suddenly very multilingual. I found myself suddenly fluent in Latin, Greek and Hebrew. This enabled me to have intelligible conversations with a variety of people. I could understand what a man speaking Italian was saying in his own language. Another man spoke Spanish to me, and I understood near perfectly. I seemed to know a lot about anthropology, literature, and chemistry. There were framed poems on the walls in beautiful calligraphy the I had done. At one point in the evening I sat down at a black mini grand piano in the family room and played a few songs, and I sang with people, or played while they sang. I just could not grasp where was all of this coming from?

Many of the guests were my own age, or within ten years thereof. Some I knew, my sister, Kassandra, my brother, Thomas, my mother Bella, and my step-father, John. Now he was old, nearly seventy-five and was apparently mostly blind, but kept expressing how proud he was of me and my beloved husband. He treated my like I was daddy's little girl as he had done since he and my mother had married when I was twelve. My biological father was absent from the party, a long estrangement had seemingly kept him from making the guest list. This knowledge did not bother me at all, it actually made me rather relieved, if not happy. Among the other well wisher were many people whom I felt a deep sense of love for, like we were war buddies or very close comrades at one time or other, and maybe still were to some extent. These were our most intimate friends and beloved family members.

Episode Seventeen: MacGregor Chrinicles

Sunday evening, around six we drove up to our house, much like we had done so many months ago when we were very first arriving at our new home. Now it would really be home, children and all. Not so many cars were parked in the lot this time, but that would have been overwhelming. Will grabbed a car seat in either hand, I took brought the diaper bag. Roxanne opened the door for us and the house smelled of chicken, squash, and green beans. I melted, hospital food is not that great, but home cooked food is divine. Apparently my mother and Will's mother had been cooking and cleaning for a while. Callie was there and already had herself set up in the guest suit, across from the nursery. Also present were our friends Carissa and Wyatt, Molly and Derek, and Will's cousin, Elton, and his wife, Rebekkah.

The car seats were promptly deposited onto the coffee table in the fireside area of the kitchen, greetings and congratulations were issued, and the eating and ogling began. I was very glad to be home among my own things, at least this time arriving home really felt like home, not a strange dream. When I finished eating, I took each of the girls, one at a time, to feed them too. For this I took them to their bedroom, for privacy. Thankfully both of them liked to eat as much as their father and I do, so breast feeding was a snap after the first twelve hours. I did pump too, so Will could take his turn feeding them, something he didn't want to miss out on. The whole cloth diaper scene was another story, Will wanted nothing to do with cloth diapers. So for now, they were in disposables, for the first couple of nights.

Episode Sixteen: MacGregor Chronicles

We arrived at the right hospital with a state trouper escort, in record time. Not doctor recommended, though I was in the back seat. Will pulled me out of his car, I waddled to the door, denying many persistent offers of a wheel chair by my darling husband, and waddled to the admitting desk to sign my name to a previously filled out form. I wanted to talk, let gravity do some of the work for me. I didn't plan on laying on my back for this any way, we had discussed this. To this point I was the logical one and Will was neurotic. I can say though that once the contractions kicked in, I was the neurotic on, and Will calmed down quickly. I was in pain and I became goofy, every last one of my ADHD symptoms hit me full force and I was wild. I was cracking jokes left and right to get myself through the pain. I refused drugs, I had made that choice long ago and was sticking to it. I did feel sorry for some of the staff though, they had a tough time doing their jobs through the laughter. I must have seemed positively maniacal at times.

Only eight hours after my water broke we had two perfect pink princesses to ogle at through the glass. One was stark bald, the other with a full head of black hair. Both with their daddy's big blue eyes, and my slightly turned up nose. I took a nap when they were brought to the nursery. Will waited until eight o'clock that morning to call anyone with the news. His mom was practically on her way by the end of the phone call. For most everyone else he sent out a general text message letting our friends know that the girls were here. I called my mom and John, they agreed to stop by to see the babies later that afternoon. Johns concern was to let me rest, and he was ecstatic to be a granddaddy again.

I had made it quite clear that I did not want to be seen until we were all home, but was happy to let anyone who wanted to come see our new arrivals at their leisure in the hospital nursery. The girls were kept in the nursery unless they were hungry, at which time they were brought to me to breast feed. I got all of the sleep that I could those first thirty six hour. I only saw my beloved husband and my doctors during that time, but Will told me of the other visitors, for our babies. Many friends and family members came to look at the proof that God does indeed have a sense of humor. The girls were tiny and cute, but their visitors laughed at the fact that Will and I finally had children. This they found wildly amazing.

Our daughters, Grace Abigail and Luciana Elizabeth were born Saturday, May 18, 2013, at five thirty in the morning. They were born 95 years to the day after my maternal grandfather, Howard, and his twin brother, Harold. Gracie an Lucy were not identical as were their great grandfather and his twin, but it did seem like providence. I found that holding one of these little products of Will and my love was both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. I was so thankful for them and I loved my darling husband all the more. I thanked him so many times for them that he asked me to stop. I thanked God more than I thanked Will too. Oh, the things that we had endured to get to this place. Now they were ours, our own.

From Jaime to Jane

I was 14 when I was diagnosed as ADHD, at which time I was put on medication. While I was on my meds I was quiet, subdues, even meek. Off my medication, I was wild, more hyper than before I began taking Ritalin. I was all over the place and felt uncontrolable, though I still held myself to my own set of morals and values. At eighteen, a friend in college talked me into dropping the medication and work on things consciously. I did and I have. There are still behavoirs that have not been overcome but they are no worse than any other person.
A couple of years ago I discovered a way to treat the ADHD with diet and a suppliment regiman. I took on the diet and both my husband and I have noticed a great change. Even my manager at work can tell if I have eaten something I should not have. Different foods bring out different symthems. With ADHD its like having an allergie to certain foods, except rather than a rash or watery eyes, my brain freaks out an causes certain behaviors.
I still have not started the suppliment regiman, we cannot afford it yet, but I would like to try it eventually. I hope that my discovories for myself now will help Mitch and I to handle any children we may have who could be ADD/ADHD.
I still have to master certain things and watch my diet, which by the way has also helped me to lose some weight, but on the whole I ame so much better than I was.
I still talk a lot when I am nervious or anxious and there are times when I have to make a consious effort to relax. I have learned to be me, though I spent most of my life pretending to be someone else or wanting to be a movie or book character. I did not need a self help book to make me who I am, I just needed to find out who I was to begin with. Now I know who I am and who I want to be. I know my flaws and my imperfections and I work on them consciously, day by day, one by one. In the process I usually learn something else about myself or change in a way that I did not expect. I discover things that are so new and strange to me, but many others may have known all along, though I did not understand.
I love to change and grow, learn and be a better me.
For so long I was set on being some one esle, then I wanted to be a more accomplished me. I set out to learn a bunch of things, languages, arts, sports, anything to make me seem more well rounded and knowledgeable. It wan not until nore recently that I came to discover the important difference between being accomplished and having good character. "A woman of character, who can find..." Nothing matters to me more than my character. Learning to be Jane I guess you could say. The woman in my stories is the future me, the person I want to be. She is my ideal self, though still flawed in her own ways. From Jaime to Jane.